Yes, My Daughter Suffered From Depression—And I Was the Cause

Becoming a parent comes with immense responsibility, and sometimes, the weight of that responsibility doesn't hit until it's too late. This is the honest and emotional journey of a mother who came to realize that her own actions played a significant role in her daughter's battle with depression. Her story is one of regret, self-reflection, growth, and ultimately, hope.

Coming to Terms With the Truth

There was a time when I questioned everything—my daughter's behavior, her choices, even her diagnosis. I felt anger, shame, frustration, and guilt. But now, I can say with calm clarity: my daughter suffered from depression. It was only through the guidance of our family therapist and her sandplay therapy sessions that I was able to begin healing myself and understanding my daughter for who she truly is—not who I wanted her to be.

I share this not to dwell on the past, but to help other parents avoid the same mistakes. If you're a parent struggling with anxiety, pressure, or unrealistic expectations, I urge you to read this and reflect on your own parenting style.

Recognizing the Signs

Ask yourself: Have you ever lost your temper while helping your child with homework? Have you argued with your child over practicing an instrument or sticking to a routine? Have you ever dismissed your child's excitement with a cold "Oh" followed by, "Did you finish your homework?"

Do you restrict screen time with frustration? Have you ever told your child, "If you don't study, what will you become?" Have you scolded them for feeling overwhelmed or unmotivated? Have you made deals, imposed punishments, or labeled your child—calling them lazy, unfocused, or uninterested in learning?

Now, imagine being in your child's shoes. Did you enjoy being nagged about school when you were young? Did every failure mean you were doomed to be unsuccessful? Would you have liked someone interfering with your friendships? Don't we all want to be heard without judgment? Would you appreciate someone constantly monitoring your screen time? Did good grades guarantee happiness for you or others you know? And if you were sick, would you feel pressured to go to work anyway?

Changing My Perspective

I used to believe I had the right to control everything in my daughter's life. If she didn't do her homework, I panicked. If she skipped flute practice, I got angry. When she talked about her friends, I tried to guide her choices. I'd interrupt her excitement with lectures about screen time. When she expressed stress, I gave her advice instead of comfort. And when she needed comfort at night, I insisted on sleep training.

Over time, she began closing her bedroom door—and her heart. I didn't realize how much I was pushing her away until it was almost too late.

Why Do We Focus So Much on Our Children?

Why do parents constantly look outward at their children instead of inward at themselves? Why do we get angry when our kids don't meet our expectations? The truth is, we all have an inner child inside us—wounded, unhealed, and easily triggered. When our kids act out, that inner child reacts, and we project our fears and frustrations onto them.

Anger is often a mask for deeper emotions—fear, sadness, helplessness. It's easier to lash out than to admit we're hurting. But next time you feel that anger rising, pause. Take a breath. Ask yourself: What am I really feeling beneath the surface?

Rethinking Parenthood

Parenting is one of the most important roles we take on, yet it has no entrance requirements. Children don't choose to be born, and parents aren't tested on their skills. We assume the role without training and expect love and respect in return.

We fill our lives with material comforts—beautiful clothes, delicious food, luxury skincare—but neglect the most important part: our inner growth. We push our kids into classes and fill their shelves with books, but forget that the real change must start with us.

The Power of Unconditional Love

My daughter's struggle opened my eyes to the truth: parenting is not about control. It's about love, understanding, and acceptance. I'm grateful to my daughter for showing me my own inner child—the part of me that never learned how to give love, only to seek it.

Thanks to therapy and mindfulness practices like breath awareness, I've found peace and clarity. The "Three No's" method gave my daughter space to grow and gave me time to heal. Reading self-development books changed my mindset and taught me emotional regulation. I now devour every piece of knowledge I can find, wishing I had started sooner.

Final Thoughts: Be the Change

I'm not perfect. I still make mistakes. But I'm committed to growing every day. I believe that with love, I can help my daughter heal from the darkness I once caused.

To all parents: Stop trying to change your children. They are mirrors reflecting who we are. If we focus on changing ourselves, they will change too—often in ways we never imagined.

Believe in your child. And more importantly, believe in your ability to grow and become the parent they truly need.